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STRESS
Everyone understands stress but it is difficult to define because it means
different things to different people. Each of us responds to stress in
a different way - so what is stressful for one may not be stressful for
another.
When lawyers talk of stress, they talk of constant pressure, office problems,
dealing with difficult clients, exhaustion and loss of control while preparing
and trying cases, and billable hours. By seeking professional help and
support, many are able to live more balanced and comfortable lives.
STRESS
There is a higher incidence
of stress among attorneys and judges than among other professionals.
Stress can lead to:
| Heart attacks Strokes Hypertension Cancer Ulcers Alcoholism |
Substance Abuse Sexual Dysfunction Family Problems Partner Problems Sleep Disorders Burnout |
Before stress causes you to self-destruct, consider your options...
The Art of Living: Becoming More Resilient
Can becoming more “resilient” help you manage stress in a healthier way? Are there lessons to be learned from others who have managed to thrive in spite of living in adverse conditions? As a result of life stressors, do you see yourself and your life as “damaged” or “challenged?” Is the glass half empty or half full? Experts say “resilience” is the key.
Resiliency as defined by psychiatrist Steven Wolin, M.D., is the capacity to rise above adversity and forge lasting strengths in the struggle. It is the means by which children who grew up in troubled families navigated through difficult times and emerged as strong, healthy, capable adults. It is not about magically escaping harm. It is about the art of living.
Experts are not all in agreement about how much of resilience is genetic. People do seem to differ in their natural abilities to handle stress. But being resilient boils down to having a certain set of skills, and skills can be learned. So resilience can be developed.
In a well-known 40 year study involving 700 children followed from birth,
researcher Emmy Werner focused on identifying factors which seemed to
protect approximately 1/3 of the high-risk children from developing problems
in spite of the compromising risk factors in their lives. She identified
two primary reasons for their invulnerability: they were born with outgoing
dispositions and they were able to engage several sources of support for
themselves.
The other two-thirds of the high risk group developed problems, but the
majority were doing well by their mid-thirties. They attributed their
rebound to having people in their lives who reached out to them with the
messages, “You count. And it doesn’t matter what you have done
in the past.”
Developing competencies, or resiliency skills, is also a key factor in
successfully responding to life’s stresses and adversities. It is
possible to be hurt and rebound at the same time. Resilient individuals
refrain from blaming themselves for what has gone wrong. Through a process
called “adaptive distancing” they can draw boundaries between
the problem and themselves. “My situation is troubled but I am not
my situation.” They maintain their independence and are often drawn
to spending time with healthier peers and families.
Ongoing research indicates that those who are resilient take responsibility
for what goes right in their lives. They cultivate insight, are able to
be honest and they take charge of problems. They have good decision-making
and planning skills, a healthy sense of humor and a sense of hope about
the future. They know how to ask for help and support when they need it,
and how to cultivate relationships which provide that.
Reframing, according to Steven Wolin, is at the heart of resilience. It
is a way of shifting the focus to the cup being half full. Going back
to an incident, finding the strengths and building self-esteem from the
achievement are what build resilience. Instead of seeing oneself as “a
helpless survivor” one can reframe an experience to see oneself as
an “accomplished strategist.” This is a critical step in developing
resilience: shifting from a “damage model” to a “challenge
model.”
The two perspectives speak for themselves: “look at how horrible
your life has been and how you’ve been victimized” or “look
at how you managed to survive and thrive in spite of it.” Sometimes
it’s easier to be the victim; it removes the obligation to change.
It is also possible to emerge from difficult situations with dignity and
strength and lead a healthy and gratifying life.
Reducing and managing stress in your life can begin by increasing your
resiliency skills. Listed below is a list of resiliency skills. Read through
the list and take the following 5 steps:
· First, identify your 5 strongest skills.
· Next, identify 2 skills you would like to learn or improve.
· Third, for each of those skills, list at least 3 steps or strategies you can act on in order to improve each skill. Fourth, write an affirmation for each skill. This is a sentence that is written in the present tense about each skill. For example, if I want to be better at goal setting, my affirmation could be “I am an expert at goal setting and I reach my goals easily.”
· And finally, write down a date you will begin working on these
skills and a target date for completion.
It may be helpful to find a partner to work with, talk to and be accountable
to. You can share ideas and keep each other on track.
Resiliency Checklist
Rate yourself on each of the following using a scale of 1 – 10.
I see myself as someone who:
1. Is flexible or adaptable
2. Is goal directed
3. Is open to new ideas
4. Has a good sense of humor
5. Is creative
6. Has an inviting personality
7. Often volunteers to help others
8. Is future oriented
9. Is a good planner
10. Is independent
11. Has good communication skills
12. Is usually persistent
13. Is achievement oriented
14. Is optimistic and hopeful
15. Has good problem-solving skills
16. Has healthy expectations of self
17. Can see the humor in situations
18. Can ask for help easily
19. Can easily put others at ease
20. Has good decision-making skills
There is no need to risk your license, livelihood, reputation or family.
Whatever the problem, you do not have to manage it alone.